Crazy Airplane Lady

This is the story of how a crazy-eyed young mother nearly got herself kicked off a Southwest flight from Seattle to Chicago. We'll call her May.

We were taxiing toward the runway when it started. May had a piercing nasal voice, which carried the conversation she was having with her hapless neighbor into my listening space (and my neighbor's, and his, the rows and in front of us, etc.):

Jesus died for your sins. He did! And if you don't come to Jesus you will burn in hell. God talks to me. He is your father and he wants me to tell you so.

And so on, and so on.

As May got increasingly agitated the people around her started staring. She turned her burning psychotic gaze on me and grinned. It would not have surprised me if she had foamed at the mouth.

Despite her neighbor's efforts to calm her, May stood up and shouted to the whole plane:

Mark my words. God is your father. He loves you. He wants me to tell you that you will see him very very soon. He told me this.

Hold on! I'm going to meet my maker? WTF kind of thing is that to say on a plane? Understandably, people started to get upset. The first flight attendant to respond mucked it up:

Mam. You can't have religious conversations on t his plane. If you keep that up, we'll h ave to remove you.

Is it just me or does that sound off? How about this: "you're not allowed to threaten your fellow passengers with imminent death."

The next few crew members were only slightly more competent. May had calmed down at this point, but you could see the panic in the crew's eye's. The asked her, repeatedly, if she intended to have another outburst and, satisfied, returned to the flight deck to whisper amongst themselves.

Apparently the powers that be decided to turn a blind eye. We were cleared for take-off. But she just had to have the last word. As the flight attendant ran through safety procedures, he pointer to May's baby and said, "put the mask on yourself first and then help the baby." Her reply:

My baby doesn't need help. Jesus will take care of her

Now, I have always been a champion of Southwest; even more so in this age of dwindling leg room and baggage fees (screw you United, American, and Delta!). But this seriously shook my faith in...whoever cleared my flight for take-off rather than kick her bony butt onto the tarmac.